Values and Beliefs
Determinants of Behavior
We are living at a time of such rapid change that even the
future seems to be holding its’ breath.
Amid this transience and acceleration, mentalities are being transformed
and values along with them.
Most of us go through life on “automatic pilot” responding
to situations and events based upon habit.
We don’t spend enough time engaged in an inner dialogue reflecting upon
who we really are? What do we want
to become? How can we unleash our
creativity and potential? But most
of all, what are our values and true beliefs?
Values are the guiding devices that enable you to live
consistent with your conscience.
They are ingrained in the fiber of a person’s heart and soul.
You speak your values by the language you use, your actions
and behavior, the possessions you covet and the number, caliber and longevity of
your friendships. When conflict with
a partner, friend or family member occurs do you confront them directly with
empathy and compassion? Or do you
react immediately from your gut with a candor that may be forthright and frank
but is in reality a subtle form of hostility?
America,
the “land of opportunity”, has always been as much a promise as a place.
It was established built upon a foundation of liberty or freedom,
pluralism and individual self-interest.
Yet, even at the beginning of this experiment the founders knew that
egotistic behavior, however enlightened, must be tempered by concern for the
community as a whole.
As
America
grew with the influx of immigrants, prosperity and its movement westward these
values remained and were expanded.
Coming of age after World War II, I could feel the emphasis upon character and
integrity where being was more
important than appearing since
one becomes what one does. There was
talk of human brotherhood, generosity, the importance of family and kinship and
while the value of money was always discussed, people were also concerned with
spiritual growth. Most of all,
having friends was a blessing.
Unlike romantic love, poets and essayists have not written much about friendship
because it is made up of subtle things we should never do: betray, belittle,
begrudge, beguile and bamboozle.
Still, most lives are boring and repetitious, consisting of
striving, disillusion and defeat.
But this is where lasting friendship gets its’ power.
It comes not from casual introductions and greetings but is forged from
setbacks, sickness and help given without being asked.
Toward the end of the year, watching the motion picture
“It’s A Wonderful Life” has
become a ritual in my family. This
film has been around for almost six decades, surpassing its competition and
gaining mythic stature. Yet, I
cannot help tearing-up at each viewing when George (Jimmy Stewart) is despondent
and depressed, believing he’s alone and suddenly the world shows up to declare
its love for him.
This movie was made by Frank Capra, an Italian immigrant,
who as an outsider understood our country better than many native born.
That a life without true friends may be very rich in material things, but
in human terms, is no life at all.
Undoubtedly, the endurable popularity of this saga comes
from its maudlin ending, with the surprise arrival of George’s brother Harry,
dressed in his Navy Uniform fresh from a World War II battlefront.
The modest home is filled with what seems like the entire town, which has
come to relieve George of his financial problems.
Pushing his way through the impressive crowd Harry raises
his glass in a toast, “To my brother George”, he says, “the richest man in
town”.
This is what it’s all about – – the subtle and casual
surprise of true friendship. Most of
the time we go along clouded by the suspicion that we’re isolated in an
incomprehensible world. “A stranger
and afraid in a world I’ve never made”.
Then, once in a while, miraculously we’re proved wrong.
Friends appear who are prepared to gather round, sacrifice and save us.
The reversal of feeling is as blindsiding as it is moving, especially at
the time of year when the deserting light can leave us alone in the dark.
Suddenly we have company.
Suddenly it’s a wonderful life.
Can I tell you, it gets me every time!
Obviously, I have said all this because I am disheartened
nowadays by the values that I see exhibited by some of my negotiating
counterparts. Presumably, they
reflect the current era where Americans are infatuated with the entertainment
business. Its glitzy success is
symptomatic of a self-indulgent, spendthrift society who worship celebrity – –
those capable of producing numbers,
ratings and selling magazines.
Indeed, as an Entertainment Producer once told me, “In
Hollywood you are what you have”.
In my career I come across many professional negotiators,
business and entertainment executives, attorneys, CIOs and CEOs.
Too often their primary focus is upon looking good and cultivating a
superficial camaraderie. There are
agents and their principals who have a covetous élan that desires instant
gratification in material things that can be measured against what others have.
Very often they are isolated from their roots and current community and
sometimes even alienated from themselves.
Though our situation calls for problem-solving behavior
where we need to work together they still are looking for the edge via sleaze
tactics that are pitiful, distracting and time wasters.
Perhaps I have more perspective but I know from experience
that people degenerate when they only respond to things where there is a
prospect of gain. Moreover, the
greatest loss in life is not via death, but what we allow to die inside us while
we go on living.
What I am suggesting is that we expose all those who
ultimately expect to be involved in political, legal and business negotiations
to a series of films that contain traditional American values.
Although there are many others, here are some of my suggestions:
-
Casablanca
-
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
-
On The
Waterfront
-
To Kill a
Mockingbird
-
Twelve Angry Men
-
Ten
North Frederick
1. CASABLANCA
When was the last time we heard a business man like Rick
(Humphrey Bogart) remind us that “larger obligations give life meaning” – that
when you get right down to it, “the problems of two little people don’t amount
to a hill of beans in this crazy world”.
2. MR SMITH GOES TO
WASHINGTON
Do you remember Jimmy Stewart waving the constitution
during a filibuster on the Senate floor, expostulating, “I wouldn’t give a red
cent for all your fine rules unless there was some plain everyday common
kindness under them – and a little looking out for the next fella”?
3. ON
THE WATERFRONT
“You know what’s wrong with our waterfront?” cries Karl
Malden, playing a Catholic priest.
“It’s the love of a lousy buck. It’s
making the love of a buck and a comfy job more important than the love of your
fellow man”.
4. TO
KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
In this motion picture, the central moral issue is whether
Gregory Peck should defend a black man charged with rape or refuse the case to
protect himself and his young children from retaliation by an enraged town.
As Atticus Finch, Peck never wavers even though following
his conscience nearly costs his children their lives.
Because of the apparent conflict between career and family,
this film deals with an issue that
Hollywood
seems to have forgotten. Presently,
the big screen emphasizes quality time, parent-child bonding and developing
sincere relationships. They never
approach the idea that a vital part of loving your children – of loving anyone –
– is living a life that they will admire, which can mean risking yourself and
even your loved ones to do the right thing.
5. 12 ANGRY MEN
This 1957 Reginald Rose film classic is about the jury
deliberations of twelve men who will decide (by unanimous decision) the fate of
a boy charged with his father’s murder.
The Protagonist, Henry Fonda starts with a vague nagging doubt about the
defendant’s guilt.
On the first jury ballot he expresses some hesitation and
then withstands the insults, threats and disdain of others as he challenges
their assumptions and questions their values.
Knowing that “speed kills”, he slows things down, reframes the issues,
takes calculated risks, shows an ability to read people and encourages others to
get involved.
I have seen and used this drama several hundred times
working with Executives on their leadership and negotiating skills.
Watching this motion picture can afford you a realistic view of twelve
unremarkable people with their unique beliefs magnified under stress and
exceptional circumstances.
6. TEN NORTH
FREDERICK
By the author of
Pal Joey, John O’Hara gives us this story of true love between an older
man, Joseph Chapin, and his daughter’s best friend, Kate Drummond.
Although Chapin, played by Gary Cooper, has a spiritual and physical
passion that he knows will last forever, he unselfishly gives all this up to
return to his callous and indifferent wife.
Although written over 60 years ago, Chapin makes this
sacrifice not just for the sake of his marital vows (an obligation), but out of
concern for how Kate would be accepted, regarded and treated in this old-line
conservative town. Forgoing his own
desires, pleasures and needs, he puts his beloved first knowing that true love
means: I would you to be.
Keeping all this in mind, it would be a helpful exercise
for you to attempt to define and clarify
your values. Of course,
you are answering these questions for yourself.
QUESTIONS
- What do I believe in?
- With what guiding principles can I be constructively
obsessed?
- What work gives me the most pleasure?
- If I lost my job, current position and status do I
have friends who will give me
support?
- What can I do that offers me sheer joy – – that
emphasizes my uniqueness and from which my creativity flows?
- What currently governs my life? Where do I spend my
time?
- What do I want to be remembered for?
- What do I have to do to make my life complete?
Our lives break down, get out of balance, deteriorate or
collapse without a solid set of values.
Indeed, the likelihood of achieving happiness is negligible if the things
we believe are different from the things we do.
Classifying your values and beliefs is the essential first
step toward a richer, fuller, more productive life.
